Biome Essays Leaving Cert Results
1. Seeing the timetable for the first time
In the days before PDFs the Leaving Cert timetable was sellotaped to a window or pinned to a board in a prominent position in the school.
You would approach alone or in groups, gasping and wailing and dramatically backing away as the whole thing became terrifyingly real.
2. Studying chemistry/applied maths/music and seeing the timetable for the first time
These poor unfortunates saw the exam wasteland stretching out two weeks in front of them.
Surely some kind of PTSD counselling should be offered?
3. Trying to predict what was going to come up
You were only studying Krebs Cycle and Bismark’s foreign policy of 1871 so if they didn’t come up you were considering throwing yourself out the window in the hope of breaking your writing arm.
4. The night before English Paper I
Feverish nightmares about Wild Swans at Coole and Lady Macbeth, anxious trips to the toilet, furious checking of alarm clocks…
5. The person asking for more paper
How could they be writing so much? LICKS!
Source: Laura Hutton/Photocall Ireland
6. The person leaving the exam early
How could they be writing so little? How can they not care? ANTI-LICKS!
7. The smell
BO, socks, new pencils, fear.
Source: Leon Farrell/Photocall Ireland
8. Not being able to fit your prepared essay into any of the titles given
You had three foolscap pages on the causes and processes of sea erosion and you were planning on shoehorning it into a question on pyroclastic clouds if it killed you.
9. Something not coming up
WHAT? No Krebs Cycle or Bismark’s foreign policy of 1871?
I'm more concerned about dickinson not being on the english paper than I am about the whole leaving cert in general— Shauna Muldoon. (@ShaunaMuldoon) June 2, 2014
10. The maths log book
Why God? Why?
11. Leigh anois go curamach na treoireacha agus na ceisteanna a ghabhann n le cuid Á
The dreaded aural exam with its ancient tape recorder, shrill beeps and overexcited actors bellowing stories about summer holidays and topical issues at you.
The struggles of these Leaving Cert students will bring back some memories>
Unbelievably stupid exam selfie goes viral>
1. That The Only Poet You Studied Won't Come Up
Whenever anyone asks someone who sat their Leaving Cert in 2012 about how many points they got, the answer will always be along the lines of "well I got 400 but that's because Heaney or Plath never came up, I should've gotten a lot more". Yes, I was one of those students and I still carry the anger around with me today. If you're banking on one or two poets for English this year, fare thee well good sir.
2. Should I Sit The Honours Paper?
Will I pass it? Won't I pass it? I've paid hundreds of euro on grinds all year but now in the 10 seconds before the exam starts feels like the right time to decide to switch to pass...
3. That The Biome Essay Won't Come Up For Geography
Is that possible?? I sure as hell hope not or half the country is f*cked.
4. Tummy Rumbles
You'll be sitting through approximately two hours of dead silence at a time surrounded by your peers, a.k.a the perfect time for your stomach to alert those around you that you didn't listen to your mother and you skipped breakfast.
5. That The Recession Won't Come Up For The Honours Irish Essay Question
You've crammed a few phrases in last minute all relating to the state of the country in it's current economic state so, by God, no matter what comes up you'll be talking about the recession (although you still have your fingers and toes crossed that they'll give you a lovely question asking you about the economy directly so you can just scribble out what you rote learned and not have to think about it).
6. That You'll Forget Your Calculator For Maths
Is it packed? It was packed the last 20 times you checked but you better check again just in case.
7. That The Speaker On The Irish Tape Will Be From Donegal
"Dia dhuit, is mise Sean agus tá mé i mo chonaí i Dún na nGall." B*LLOCKS.
8. That You Won't Get Enough Points To Go To The Same College As Your Friends
Feck the course, more importantly what if you don't get enough points to join Sarah in NUIG to drink away all the terrible memories of the big LC?
If you're that person who has an exam a week after everyone else you'll have a serious case of the ol' FOMO disease (Fear Of Missing Out) when you're stuck at home studying atoms while everyone else is out studying how many drinks it takes to knock every bit of study from the last few months out of their brain.
10. That If You Go Another Month Looking At College Student's Pictures From Nights Out You May Die Of Alcohol Deprivation
Seriously, it's a real thing.
11. That You'll Forget To Wear Your Miraculous Medal & As A Direct Result Fail Everything
Just for the love of God don't forget to bless yourself with holy water before you leave the house.
12. That You'll Be Asked A Long Question In The Conditional Tense
French, German, Irish, Spanish, whatever language you're taking, the conditional tense is a scary motherf*cker. You've learned off a few of them but answering a whole long question in the conditional? Forget about it.
13. That Everything You Learned Will Be Completely Useless To You After The Exams
I hate to break it to you ....